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Post by Norris on Jul 29, 2008 23:59:41 GMT -5
Good one, Sonic. This next one is actually a break in tradition for me. In nearly all of my stories, the settings are fictitious American towns and the characters are all American. In this one, I broke continuity by setting it in Egypt with British characters, as a nod to the old Mummy films from the '30s. Remain aloof - you're in for a spoof! Mooserumps Book 5: The Farce of the Mummy's Tomb (Parody of: The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb) Rupert and Rachel Biggins - two 12-year-old twins from England - were visiting Egypt with their parents. Their Dad had just got a job as the British Ambassador for Egypt, which meant that he and Mom were away most of the time. But Rupert and Rachel didn't care, because that meant the two young lion-cubs were free to explore this new world for themselves. One a fine sunny day that looks nothing like this, Rupert and Rachel were walking along a flat stretch of the Nile, where there was nothing but sand, a couple of riverbank foliage and a few reclusive locals as far as the eye could see. They were being escorted by Hakim, a friendly Egyptian jackal who was showing the twins the sights of his country. "And here," Hakim continued. "They think lies the tomb of Pharoah Upshi, one of the last Pharoahs before the Ptolemaic Period. They say that there is a curse on whoever disturbs it, which is why nobody has dared to dig it up," At an oasis, the group stopped for some water before returning home. While Hakim was filling the water bottles, Rupert and Rachel relaxed in the shade, and whilst Rachel was resting, she noticed something sticking out of the ground. She pulled at it, and it came free. It was a papyrus scroll! Rachel had always been pretty smart when it came to things like this, and so she hid it from Hakim until they got home. Back at home, Rachel showed it to Rupert, and the two translated the hieroglyphics together. It took them nearly an hour before they'd translated it all, which read like this: Whoever shall speak these words aloud shall invoke the Farce of the Pharoah Upshi's Tomb. Only by reading them again shall the farce be broken.
Who Ra, and Upshi Rises, Who Ra, and Upshi Rises, Who Ra, and Upshi Rises, Urr-lie in the morning. Being the idiot that he was, Rupert read them aloud, and Rachel hit him for it. "You idiot!" she scolded him. "Now you've invoked the farce!" "So what?" Rupert shrugged. "We're right here, and the tomb is out in the desert! You heard Hakim, it's buried underground! Nobody can ever get to it, and Upshi can't get to us!" Rachel reluctantly agreed, and for a day or so, this seemed to be true, but Hakim became worried when the twins hesitated about going out into the desert. To avoid suspicion, they consented, but asked to see the temple of Saqqara, which would take them well out of the way of Upshi's tomb. As the hot sun beat down over them, the trio marched on towards the ancient city, with the twins hoping that nothing could go wrong. Unfortunately, in parodies like this, doing that is just asking for trouble, and it wasn't long before a big, bandaged arm shot out from the ground, clinging to Hakim's led and refusing to let go! The twins pulled him free, and the ground opened up. The arm became a torso, and the torso became a body. A body of a heron that had been mummified long ago. It was the Pharaoh Upshi! "May the farce of Upshi be forever upon you!" Upshi growled angrily at them in some foreign tongue. Hakim panicked and tried to get the children undercover, but Upshi was too quick for them, and knocked Hakim out cold with a single blow. It was then that Rachel suddenly remembered... she still had the papyrus! Fumbling for it, she read the words, but Upshi just laughed. "You foolish mortal!" he sneered. "The boy set me free, and only he can imprison me!" Rachel whimpered, and handed the words to Rupert hastily. As Upshi closed in, Rupert plucked up as much courage as he could muster, and shouted out: Who Ra, and Upshi Rises, Who Ra, and Upshi Rises, Who Ra, and Upshi Rises, Urr-lie in the morning. Upshi gave a wailing groan, and slithered back into the earth from whence he came, just as Hakim began to stir. The twins' little secret was saved, for now, and Upshi could rest in peace. The twins returned the manuscript to where they'd found it, and left it there so that nobody else could invoke the Farce of the Mummy's Tomb. But, what they didn't know was that, a few days later, somebody did find the papyrus scroll, and they too would invoke the farce once again... COMING SOON: Mooserumps Book 6 - Let's Get Nonsensical!
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Post by sonicheroes4ever on Jul 30, 2008 22:48:23 GMT -5
I see. This is where the, "What Should We Do With The Drunken Sailor ," song comes from, Egypt.
Nice story, Norris.
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Post by Norris on Jul 30, 2008 23:58:52 GMT -5
I see. This is where the, "What Should We Do With The Drunken Sailor ," song comes from, Egypt. Nice story, Norris. Thanks, Sonic. I actually swiped the song from an episode of Count Duckula, seeing as it fitted quite well here. I'll post up the next story later, as I've got some things to do around the house first.
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Post by Norris on Aug 1, 2008 0:24:47 GMT -5
Remain aloof - you're in for a spoof!
Mooserumps Book 6: Let's Get Nonsensical!
(Parody of: Let's Get Invisible!)
I was only eight when it all began. Before then, I was just plain old Helen Munroe, an average rabbit living in Clawmark County, Montana attending elementary school like any other fur. And then along comes the weirdest thing I'd ever experience until puberty.
On that day, our school was on a day trip to the local carnival as part of our Business Studies class. It wasn't the kind of carnival you'd see in the cartoons. This one was a pretty small one, with just a couple of tents, a hot dog stand, and that was it. There were only about ten of us there, so I stuck with Barry Reading, a black-haired kid who I had a crush on back then.
At this little carnival there was a creepy-looking machine that had a wooden clown inside it. Every time you put 5 cents into it, the clown started laughing and moving around. Barry gave it a try, and then something really weird happened. The whole machine starting working overtime, and the clown fell out of the machine, breaking the glass case, and it's wooden teeth just sank into Barry's arm!
We got Barry all checked up, and the manager kept on apologising to our teacher until we left for home. It was pretty scary, and I stayed by Barry's side the whole time. He said that he was OK, but those teeth-marks were pretty deep in his arm, two deep marks side-by-side, like a rabbit's bitemark. We got Barry home safe and sound, and I went home worrying about him and that creepy clown.
The next morning, I went off to school and saw Barry on the playground, but he'd changed. Instead of the shy, geeky rabbit I knew him to be, he was now dressed like a Fruit Salad, and he was throwing pies everywhere! He'd turned into the same creepy clown we'd seen back at the carnival!
When he saw me, Barry started chasing me around the school, trying to bite me in the arm with his teeth - his wooden teeth - and I hid underneath one of the schoolbuses while he searched all around the school for me. It was only when the bell went for lessons that I could come out in safety, but I kept my distance from Barry all day, knowing that I'd also turn into a clown if he bit me.
The next day was Saturday, and I convinced my parents to take us out to the carnival. There were only a couple of people there, and it was then that I realised that Barry had also convinced his parents to come to the carnival as well! I kept out of his sight, and whilst my parents were getting hot dogs, I saw the creepy clown machine, and by a stroke of luck, one of the circushands had been tinkering with his truck nearby, and had left out some kerosene and some matches!
I dumped some kerosene over the clown, and as I struck a match, I saw it move. It was trying to get me! Panicking, I threw the match into the machine, and watched wide-eyed as the clown slowly burnt to death, screaming and yelping like a demon as it slowly turned into nothing. The flames shot up for a minute, and then suddenly disappeared, leaving behind a blackened hole where the clown had once been.
After that, Barry soon returned to his old self, and we both chose to stay away from carnivals after that. We soon married after we left High School, and Barry found a job at the Clawmark County Archives, where we found out about the machine many years later. The guy who created that particular machine practised the Dark Arts, and he had encountered the spirit of an evil clown during a seance. The spirit possessed the machine, and threatened to spread it's evil to all those who touched it...
COMING SOON: Mooserumps Book 7 - Night of the Loving Dummy
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Post by Norris on Aug 1, 2008 9:21:10 GMT -5
Remain aloof - you're in for a spoof!
Mooserumps Book 7: Night of the Loving Dummy
(Parody of: Night of the Living Dummy)
Andy just couldn't believe his luck. He was now 16, which meant that the final barrier for romance had been lifted. To celebrate his coming-of-age, Andy Cooper had rushed straight into the local town of Feathersack, Missouri, to try and find a little something to keep this rampant chicken from acting too prematurely with the ladies.
It was there in the adult shop on the corner of Montgomery Avenue that he saw her. Kept inside a weathered old box was a sex doll made to look like a vixen. At the top of the box in old-style lettering was one word: HEARSEULA, and there was something about her that attracted Andy. Maybe it was because she was the only one in the store, or her realistic blonde hair. Whatever the reason, Andy bought her on the spot, and rushed her back home as his testosterone levels reached critical.
That night, Andy took great pleasure in giving Hearseula his all. But despite his ecstasy, there was something strange about the lifeless fox that lay beneath him. But was she lifeless? Andy continued to stare at her long after he'd finished, and for a moment, it seemed as though Hearseula's eyes had moved. Andy put it off and decided to gaze at the ceiling instead, brushing a loose feather from his beak.
"Is that it?" Andy heard a voice say a few minutes later. Turning on his side, Andy discovered to his amazement that Hearseula had rolled on her side, and was now actually speaking to him!
"Sheesh, I once slept with a guy with no balls, and he was still able to make my day better than you!" Andy blinked, surprised.
"You're just dreaming," he told himself. "The hormones haven't settled out yet," a rubbery hand caught hold of his waddle, and Hearseula pulled Andy close as her staring eyes locked with his own.
"Let's get one thing straight, Old Macdonald, anybody who expects something from Hearseula should be willing to pay for it in return, and do you wanna know what my payment is?" she cut Andy off before he could answer. "Eternal slavery!"
So saying, a second rubbery hand delivered a hard punch to Andy's beak, knocking him out of the bed. Hearseula stood up, her completely naked form losing all sense of attraction at this revelation, and Andy took to flight, grabbing a pair of tighty-wighties from the drawer as he ran from the room.
"Here I come, sweetie, ready or not," he heard Hearseula taunt him in her sneering voice. Running from the house, Andy took shelter in the garage, hiding beneath his Dad's pickup truck. Andy tried to be as quiet as possible, not even daring to breathe, and he heard Hearseula tearing open the corrugated-iron door, walking around the garage, sniffing him out.
"I'm gonna find you," she taunted in a childish, singsong voice. Andy remained perfectly still as Hearseula came alongside the truck. It was then that Andy noticed his Dad's pocketknife on the floor. Grabbing it with one wing, he opened up a blade and stabbed it into Hearseula's leg. Her screams were drowned by the sound of deflating air, and Andy remained rigid as he watched the spectacle, not moving until Hearseula was completely deflated, and wasted no time in putting her in the trash.
Andy forgot about Hearseula after that, as he had found himself a real girl. Had he known that Hearseula had been rescued from the garbage by a yokel at the trash dump, then perhaps Andy would've known that the nightmare was far from over...
COMING SOON: Mooserumps Book 8 - The Girl Who Cried Bugger
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Post by sonicheroes4ever on Aug 1, 2008 13:19:12 GMT -5
The clown transformation one was a little boring.
The sex toy one was kind of graphic and it was an interesting story.
Not to mention the fact that the villain was a blow-up doll.
Now, after this story is posted, lets look at the random advertisement that takes text off the forum and matches it to an ad.
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Post by Norris on Aug 1, 2008 23:45:59 GMT -5
The clown transformation one was a little boring. The sex toy one was kind of graphic and it was an interesting story. Not to mention the fact that the villain was a blow-up doll. Now, after this story is posted, lets look at the random advertisement that takes text off the forum and matches it to an ad. Yeah, sorry. I was really scratching my head over the clown one. As for the blow-up doll, it was all I could think of when I thought up the title Night of the Loving Dummy. Random ads, Sonic? I'm getting ones for Tutankhamun flight tickets.
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Post by sonicheroes4ever on Aug 2, 2008 14:16:12 GMT -5
Yeah I was suggesting that the random ads would show a sex toy site... because the story.
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Post by Norris on Aug 3, 2008 0:02:04 GMT -5
Hmm, pretty weird that they don't, unless the site has a filter that rejects ads for adult-sites. PS: I'll get the other stories up tomorrow. Still got a lot of chores to get through my end.
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Post by Norris on Aug 4, 2008 5:50:40 GMT -5
Remain aloof - you're in for a spoof!
Mooserumps Book 8 - The Girl who Cried Bugger
(Parody of: The Girl who Cried Monster)
Fanny Dripping was one of the most obnoxious 10-year-old parrots in Toothmark, Mississippi. No matter how hard her parents tried to warn her, she still played as many pranks on as many furs as she possibly could. Now, this would have been OK, if Fanny Dripping was not the daughter of the Mayor of Toothmark, Claude N. Dripping.
Because of her father's position, her mother was always fussing after little Fanny, with little help from Claude... until the Election Day. With her father standing against another simple-minded twit, Fanny decided to play the biggest prank of all, and rigged the platform to open up once a switch had been opened, and the moment the returning officer came up, Fanny pulled the switch, sending everybody falling onto the riverbank beneath them. Claude, covered in mud and grass, turned his angry sights on Fanny, clutching her tightly on the shoulder.
"You listen to me," he growled angrily, almost on the verge of murder. "If you so much as pull one more prank on anybody, then you'd better watch out,"
"W-Why, daddy?" Fanny tried to look innocent. No dice.
"Because the Bugger will get you, that's what!" Everybody in Toothmark knew about the Bugger. It was like the Boogeyman but it wasn't a man, as it lacked any form of genitalia. The Bugger lived in a small swamp on the verge of Toothmark, which led away towards Alabama, and was said to kill any children who lurked around at night.
For the next few days, Fanny behaved herself, but the need to pull a prank was getting big. But then, Fanny came up with a good idea... she'd prank the Bugger! That would do it! The little sissy never came out beyond the edge of the swamp, so she could get away to Toothmark without any trouble. Her mind was made up, and whilst her parents were asleep, Fanny packed a small bag with stink bombs, chilli-flavoured chewing gum and a cardboard cut-out of Minerva Mink. With everything set, she sneaked out and made her way towards Toothmark Swamp.
The swamp smelled like a pair of damp old socks washed in raw sewage and tumble-dried in a piece of old cheese. But still Fanny went on, looking for the Bugger's lair as she trampled on, the mud coming up to her knees. An owl hooted in the distance, and some twigs snapped, which is impossible to hear in mud, but it happened anyway.
"Hello?" Fanny called out. No reply. But then she heard something. A horrible, gurgling noise, like pulling the plug out of the sink for the first time in a week. Spinning around in her slushy prison, Fanny took a flashlight from her pack and lit it. There, standing before her, was the Bugger!
And it was a big bugger, too! It was close to 6ft high, had blood-red eyes and had five toes sticking out of each foot! It gave a horrible howl, and Fanny began to run (slowly) through the knee-deep mud, running for only two yards before falling in the mud. The Bugger fished her out, having taken only two steps to reach her. It held Fanny aloft in the air, and with a single scream, all was over...
The next morning, the locals of Toothmark were looking for Fanny after her parents found her bedroom window. Then, somebody saw the figure of a pale-looking parrot close to the limit of the swamp. Some people rushed over, and discovered Fanny.
"Th-the Bugger," she shivered in fright. "H-He's in the swamp?"
"What did he do to you?" Claude approached, fearing the worst.
"H-He...he sold me...a timeshare scheme..."
COMING SOON: Mooserumps Book 9 - Welcome to Camp Nightdress
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Post by sonicheroes4ever on Aug 4, 2008 16:41:39 GMT -5
Ha Ha Ha....Wow.
It was pretty good.
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Post by Norris on Aug 5, 2008 0:08:47 GMT -5
Thanks. I still think that I probably could have done better on this one, though.
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Post by sonicheroes4ever on Aug 5, 2008 0:18:47 GMT -5
Thanks. I still think that I probably could have done better on this one, though. Yeah, the Bugger should have got her in her home and took her to the swamp. That would have been scary, given the rape imagery. A creature taking one from their home is a insta-horrorsoup mix. But the story was pretty good all in all.
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Post by Norris on Aug 5, 2008 0:30:57 GMT -5
Yeah, the Bugger should have got her in her home and took her to the swamp. That would have been scary, given the rape imagery. A creature taking one from their home is a insta-horrorsoup mix. But the story was pretty good all in all. Well, I'm just glad that you liked it, which is all that matters to me. I'm quite surprised how little reaction this got from the originial website I posted it on. I'll let you find out for yourself why I was worried about controversy. Remain aloof - you're in for a spoof! Mooserumps Book 9 - Welcome to Camp Nightdress (Parody of: Welcome to Camp Nightmare) Camp Nightdress was one of those really boring Tennessee bible-camps that keeps changing it's name each year to keep the liberal media running in circles. Situated near the town of Nightdress, Tennessee, it was the camp that Ferdy Gunning's fanatical parents had been pressuring their son to go to. They wanted their son to be a "holy fox" - even if he was actually Jewish. Ferdy had been in Camp Nightdress for a day or two, and he'd made no friends in that time. The instructors were the worst. You were woken up at 5:00 am, made a morning prayer, ate a breakfast of stale bread and stagnant water, and then you spent the rest of the day praying, reading the Bible and whipping yourself for liking the Beatles. If there was a Hell, then this was it, Ferdy thought. After all, if God is loving, then why should we go around hurting one another and scaring the willies out of the first-years? But it went deeper than that. Ferdy had tried to escape from Camp Nightdress one night, packing all of his things as quietly as possible, and making his way towards the fence. To his utter shock, it was electrified! The moment he touched it, nearly 20,000 volts shot into his paw, and everything went black as the sound of church bells rang in his ears. When Ferdy came to, he was in the camp infirmary, but there wasn't a cheery, smiling nurse waiting for him. Instead, there was a Nun who had a face like squashed jelly, and the camp supervisor, a tiger named Buck Blobbibunk, who had more muscles on his moustache than there were lions in the jungle. "We found you by the fence," Blobbibunk snarled angrily, looking like a boiling kettle. "Why did you want to leave, boy? Do you not heed the word of the Lord?" "B-But, Mr. Blobbibunk," Ferdy shivered, wetting the bed. "I wanna see my mom and dad! They don't yell at me! I love them!" "And you don't love God?!" Buck shrieked, angry that you can't get an interrobang on these computer keyboards. "When I'm finished with you, boy, you'll never want to leave Camp Nightdress!" So saying, Blobbibunk left the infirmary, with the Nun behind him. Ferdy was left on his own, which scared him even more. What if Blobbibunk came back and whipped him? What if he was electrocuted by that creepy Nun? By the time Ferdy had finished thinking, the entire mattress was waterlogged. But after nearly two hours, Ferdy didn't hear anything. No cries of children being beaten, no overzealous instructors reciting random parts of the Bible hypocritically, just an eerie silence that swept over the camp. Trembling, Ferdy arose from his pee-infested bed, and staggered out of the infirmary door. Outside, the camp was completely empty, but over the sound of the wind, Ferdy could hear a faint murmuring, which seemed to be coming from the canteen. Ferdy made his way to one of the windows by the door, and peered in. The entire camp was present, both campers and instructors, and right at the end of the canteen, standing in front of Blobbibunk, was a grey-furred fox dressed in a black, velvet cape and a suit that looked like something out of a Shakespeare play. He looked really young, probably no more than 8, and yet he was commanding the entire camp like an army. "...and then, once the Monster Mud has done it's work, we shall march upon the cities of America," the fox was saying. "And then, when America has fallen to us, we shall spread our influence to the four corners of the Earth! AND THEN, I - BRIAN EMPEDOCLES FOX, THE HIGH PRIEST OF THE BLOOD ORDER OF THE DARK ONE - SHALL RULE THE WORLD AS SERVANT TO THE DARK ONE HIMSELF!" The speech was greeted with hypnotised applause from the audience, and Ferdy then realised that he had to stop this maniac who was a year younger than him. But how do you repel a psychotic child when the bible-camp has already fallen? It was a tough one, but when Ferdy saw that this "Brian Fox" was steering away from an opportunity to visit the garages, Ferdy thought up a plan. That afternoon, the campers and the instructors were eating in the canteen, and Brian emerged with Blobbibunk at his side. As the two were walking, Ferdy leapt out from behind a large wooden statue of the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ, and flung a huge barrel of machine oil over Brian. The moment the stuff contacted with Brian's skin, the demented fox began to melt into blobby goo that smelt like a badly-prepared barbecue. Ferdy didn't know why, but it seemed that machinery fluids were the weakness of all evil in the Blood Order, probably because Satan had had his car impounded and had cursed the Driving Authorities for it. In a few moments, the curse was broken, and Ferdy was delighted to see that a possessed bible-camp run by a psychopath was now just an ordinary bible-camp run by a psychopath. But even after all of these years, the curse of Camp Nightdress never went away, because when the summer was over, Buck Blobbibunk soon disappeared, and found a new home in the old Fox residence in Red Mouse, Idaho... COMING SOON: Mooserumps Book 10 - The Git Next Door
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Mad Cat
S.P.A.C.E. Commander
Purity...there's no such thing when it comes to humans.
Posts: 153
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Post by Mad Cat on Aug 5, 2008 1:41:13 GMT -5
oooh haven't read things like this since high school XD
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