Mooserumps

[Norris]

Just a quickie, guys, as I've got some jobs to be getting on with.

At present, I'm writing a parody series entitled Mooserumps, for The Heat of the Night furry site. The series is a parody of the Goosebumps series by R.L. Stine, but each story I write is only a short one rather than an all-out book, and each one stars anthropomorphic animals.

What I would like to ask is this: would you like me to post some of the stories up here as well? So far, I have written six, with a seventh being prepared at the moment. Here's the list thus far:

• Welcome to Red Mouse (Welcome to Dead House)
  
• Stay Out of the Ballpark (Stay Out of the Basement)
  
• Monster Mud (Monster Blood)
  
• Say Cheese and Onions! (Say Cheese and Die!)
  
• The Farce of the Mummy's Tomb (The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb)
  
• Let's Get Nonsensical! (Let's Get Invisible!)
  

[wildgoose]

they sound prety cool, i wasnt so much into goosebumps as a kid, only one i realy liked was return to horror land
i did use to realy love the Spooksvile books, they were great! anyone remember them?

[sonicheroes4ever]

Wow, that's quite a list. I never really read Goosebumps either as a child. It was Animorphs for me. I use to see the Goosebumps tv show though.

[Righteous Indignation]

Aw man yeah I saw it too, Sonic! It was jolly good fun, I particularly enjoy both of the 'Say Cheese & Die!' episodes. Oh I too wish I could steal an evil camera and photograph a nasty teacher with it (like at the end of the second episode) ;D

[sonicheroes4ever]

I don't remember much of the series. I remember the worm episode. Where the kid was experimenting with worms and a giant worm comes for him.

[Norris]

Well, I'll just post up one story for now and see what you all think before I start posting up all of the others willy-nilly. This is the first one in the Mooserumps series:


Remain aloof - you're in for a spoof!

Mooserumps Book 1: Welcome to Red Mouse

(Parody of: Welcome to Dead House)


The town of Red Mouse, Idaho looked very strange to Brian Fox as he and his parents pulled into their new home. Brian was only 7, and everything looked scary to him. Samantha Fox, his sister, always called him a "baby", and she was doing it now.

"You're just a silly little baby!" Samantha taunted as they arrived at their new home, which was wooden and very creaky, just like Dad's false leg.

"I am not!" Brian protested as they made their way up the weed-infested path towards the house, carrying heavy luggage for their ignorant parents.

"Yes, you are!" Samantha insisted. "You're just a great big crybaby!" Brian often wondered why ten-year-olds were so mean, but he never found out yet. They dropped the bags in the foyer, and the door suddenly slammed shut by itself. Samantha gave a haughty grunt and walked away, leaving Brian all alone.

He wandered around for a while, trying to find his parents. For a "new" home, it looked as though it hadn't been cleaned in years, just like his bedroom. There were cobwebs everywhere, and in one of the bedrooms upstairs was a mouldy old mattress with cigarette buds around it and a few full condoms on the top.

"Looks like Samantha's room," Brian told himself, and walked back down the rotting stairs and down into the basement, which was darker than Karl Marx's soul. Brian bumped into something at the bottom of the stairs, which felt like a great big sack of potatoes. Grasping for the light switch, Brian found that the walls were all sweaty and sticky. (I'm not even going to describe what that was similar to!)

Brian found the light and turned it on, and he saw that the something on the floor was Samantha! She'd been tied up and gagged with pieces of whipcord, and there was a big gash on her head from where somebody had hit her. Brian evacuated himself as he saw his Mom and Dad in a similar fashion at the other end of the room. He tried to run, but the door slammed shut, and Brian found himself trapped in the basement...

Suddenly, there was a scraping noise from beneath the floor, like something trying to get out. Brian's heart froze as he saw a wrinkled paw punch right through the stonework and claw it's way out. Standing in front of him was a grey-furred bear with more wrinkles than Cloris Leachman (whoever the hell she is).

"Hello, little boy," the bear spoke in a hoarse voice. "And welcome to Red Mouse, the town that you'll never want to leave...even if you could,"

"Who are you?" was all Brian could muster, as he wet himself again.

"I am Ghjklnknzvvvp, High Priest of the Blood Order of the Dark One!" the bear bellowed with as much might as possible.

"What was that again?" asked Brian, who didn't catch all of it.

"Ghjklnknzvvvp, High Priest of the Blood Order of the Dark One,"

"One more time,"

"I SAID..." began Ghjklnknzvvvp, High Priest of the Blood Order of the Dark One, but calmed down and looked over at Brian. "Never mind, just call me Gary,"

"OK, Gary," Brian nodded once, and then looked at his parents. "What are you doing with my parents?"

"It's nothing personal, Brian," Gary continued. "But I need fresh blood for the Order. We've tried Orange Juice, but the Dark One seems a little picky about his drinks,"

"If you want blood, then by all means take Samantha, but not my parents!" Brian pleaded, but Gary shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Brian, but without blood, Red Mouse would just be called Mouse, and who wants to live in a rustic place with a dull name like Mouse, Idaho?" Gary pouted, and moved over to Brian's parents, ready to strike, when Brian suddenly slipped on the stair where he'd wet himself.

Brian tumbled down the stairs like marbles in a spin-dryer, and knocked Gary into a puddle of paint cleaner. At the touch of it, Gary began to squeal in agony. His eyebrows did a tango around his face, his nose grew inwards and his fingers made rude gestures. When the screaming stopped, Gary melted into a pile of blobby goo that fizzed until it was just a puddle of greenish-blue something.

Brian released his sister and his parents, who didn't remember a thing and had convinced themselves that Brian was responsible. As punishment, Brian was locked in the basement to learn some respect, and whilst down there, Brian was very quiet. When his parents came to collect him, Brian had changed. He was now smiling and streetwise instead of cowardly and snivelling, and his fur had changed to a light tint of grey...


COMING SOON: Mooserumps Book 2: Stay Out of the Ballpark

[sonicheroes4ever]

Pretty cool story. Just call me Gary.

[Norris]

Glad you liked it.

I think this is the most off-the-wall of the series so far, as the others are parodies of Stine's writing-style rather than an all-out spoof.

[sonicheroes4ever]

Your welcome. It is a neat story parody. I hope you post more.

I talk in simple sentences quite a bit.

I could have said: "Your welcome Norris, I hope you post more soon since you are a good writer."

[Norris]

Well, thanks very much, Sonic! ;D

And as per your request, here is the second story of the series:

Remain aloof - you're in for a spoof!

Mooserumps Book 2: Stay Out of the Ballpark

(Parody of: Stay Out of the Basement)


Danny Simpson had always been an inquisitive wolf-cub. Ever since he was three, he had always wanted to learn as much as he could just to satisfy his curiosity. Now, as an 11-year-old student at Pawfur Junior-High School in Pawfur, Maryland, something new was occupying his mind.

Pawfur Ballpark lay on the corner of Memory Lane and Doubleback Alley, fenced in by several old houses that looked ready to collapse at the first puff of wind. The weeds had grown around the bases, leaving several patches on the overgrown playing field, and all that was left to signify it's former life was the old scoreboard advertising the Pawfur Wildcats baseball team.

Danny had been interested in the old ballpark for several months now, ever since he saw two hormone-addicted rabbits trying to sneak in to smoke their pot in privacy. Danny had seen them one minute, and had turned around to face his Mom. When he turned to face the Ballpark, the rabbits were nowhere to be seen, and their crackpipes lay shattered on the pavement, as though they'd been dropped in a hurry.

"Don't go in the ballpark, Danny," his father had told him. "It's a dangerous place to be, and those old seats aren't safe anymore,"

"Why is the ballpark closed, Dad?" Danny had asked him one day, but his Dad had just said to him: "I don't know, Danny. Go play with your brother, huh?"

And so, tonight, Danny had decided to check out the old ballpark himself, seeing as nobody else was going to help him. Once it was dark, he sneaked out of his house, and made his way along the route he took to Pawfur Junior-High. Making his way up the dark and foreboding Doubleback Alley, Danny arrived just outside the ballpark, where a strange wind ruffled the grass that waved in Danny's direction, inviting him inside.

Climbing over the rusty fence, Danny landed on one of the bases, and he suddenly realised that something was horribly wrong. The grass was moving! Leaping from base to base, Danny dodged several attempts by this living grass to ensnare him. Eventually, in a way that is only possible in horror spoofs, Danny leapt from the bases and towards the seats, and clambered to the top where the grass couldn't reach him.

"Good game, huh?" Danny heard a voice that made his hair stand on end. Turning to his left, he saw a young fox about his age, dressed like something out of the '50s, looking down on the ballpark with a little smile on his face. The fox turned to face Danny, who was now so petrified that the Krakatoa of flatulence was let loose inside his pants.

"Them Ocelots don't stand a chance!" the fox grinned, and turned to look at the ground. Danny followed his stare, and to his surprise, the ballpark had changed! There were two teams on the freshly-cut field; one batting and the other defending, and the seats were crammed with several furrys watching the game with awe. The well-polished scoreboard gave a score of 5-0 in favour of the Pawfur Wildcats over the Red Mouse Ocelots. What had once been a standard setting for a cheesy ghost story had now become something not unlike Pleasantville.

It was all too much for Danny, and he leapt over the back fence of the ballpark, his unmentionables hitting the roof of somebody's roof particularly hard, and Danny hobbled his way home, and hid under the bedcovers until dawn.

The next day, the Simpson family went to the Library, and there, Danny found an old book about Pawfur during the '50s. In it, he found a page about the last game played at Pawfur Ballpark, which read as follows:

In 1958, the Pawfur Wildcats were facing the Red Mouse Ocelots from Idaho, and the Wildcats were winning with 7 points to none. Just as leading Wildcat batsman Lon Taylor was achieving another home-run, the ball he had struck suddenly came down upon on the mascot, the Pawfur Pancake, at such force that the costume caught fire. As the mascot tried to stop, drop and roll, the entire ballpark caught fire in the process killing all present...and if you believe that, you'll believe anything!

But still one question remained...what happened to the rabbits?


COMING SOON: Mooserumps Books 3 - Monster Mud

[sonicheroes4ever]

These stories are weird as hell...

Keep it up!

[Norris]

Jul 28, 2008 0:18:14 GMT -5 sonicheroes4ever said:

These stories are weird as hell...

Keep it up!

I prefer the term "unique" for my stories...as for me, I'm as weird as anything! ;D

Remain aloof - you're in for a spoof!

Mooserumps Book 3: Monster Mud

(Parody of: Monster Blood)

Little Gina Jaguar was always a lonely little girl. Ever since her family had moved into a secluded farmhouse in Conneticut from their old home in Pawfur, Maryland, Gina had made few friends apart from some of the animals in the next field, who just so happened to be the farmers.

Whenever Gina had the chance, she would go to the small town of Finrot that lay close to her home. Her school was a little farther away, because Finrot had no school, and so the town was a mystery to her. On this particular day, a few months after her 9th birthday, Gina was walking around Finrot when she noticed something she hadn't seen before.

On the corner of Denny Lane and Quality Street was a run-down old toyshop, with dusty old windows, rusty old shutters and musty old ladies-of-the-night hanging outside. Above the door was a faded sign that read:

Mr. Beelzebub's Toy Emporium

Gina entered the shop, and she noticed several old and broken toys for sale. There were dolls that were missing an arm, clockwork robots that were rusted beyond repair, and a couple of board games with half of the pieces missing.

And then, Gina noticed the one toy that was not broken, maimed or missing parts. It was a small metal drum about the size of Gina's paw, and on it was a label with the words: MONSTER MUD written over it. To Gina's luck, it was in her price range, and she popped it on the counter, waiting for the shopkeeper to arrive. Gina waited nearly half-an-hour, but nobody came, so Gina just put her money on the counter and left with her new toy.

Back at the farm, Gina opened the tin and she found a small blob of Monster Mud wrapped in clingfilm, and a small note, which Gina read:

This is genuine Monster Mud, formed from the topsoil of Hell itself, and the waters of the River Styx. Anybody who yields it will have the power of the Dark One himself - The Blood Order

Gina had just finished reading the note, when she saw that the Monster Mud had moved! The clingfilm had burst open, and the Monster Mud was now slithering towards the open window of Gina's bedroom. Gina tried to stop the Monster Mud from escaping, but it was too late! The Monster Mud slithered down the drainpipe and into the sewers, well out of Gina's sights.

Gina searched the farm all day for the Monster Mud, hoping that it might have come back up somewhere nearby, but she found nothing. Angrily, she marched back to Finrot to explain things to the shopkeeper, but then she saw it! The Monster Mud was eating the empty toystore! And it was growing!

Gina tried throwing bricks at the Monster Mud, but it only seemed to fatten up this great big, brown lump in front of her. Just then, a passing street thug caught sight of the Monster Mud, and panicked. As he fled, he spilled his curry over the Monster Mud, and to Gina's surprise, the Monster Mud began to melt!

Suddenly, Gina realised how the Monster Mud could be defeated. Picking up a novelty hair-dryer from the ruins of the toystore, she switched it on and aimed it straight at the Monster Mud, which began to dry up and crumble into dust! Soon, all that was left was a big, brittle mound of dry mud towering over the remains of the old toystore.

But, a week later, Gina had a letter from a place called Red Mouse, Idaho. In it was a letter that read:

Thank you for returning the Monster Mud to us, Gina. We were worried what had happened to it. Now that it's back where it belongs, we'd like to present you with a gift, enclosed with this letter - B.F.

Gina looked inside the letter, and inside it, she found a small piece of baby Monster Mud, that was looking at her with a hungry expression...


COMING SOON: Mooserumps Book 4: Say Cheese and Onions!

[sonicheroes4ever]

These stories never seem to end happily ever after.

Anyway this was a 'unique' and entertaining story.

[Norris]

Jul 28, 2008 10:44:45 GMT -5 sonicheroes4ever said:

These stories never seem to end happily ever after.

These three don't have happy endings as I was trying to maintain the horror feel of them, but this next one - which is my personal favourite so far - has a sort-of happy ending and a moral about junk food.

Remain aloof - you're in for a spoof!

Mooserumps Book 4: Say Cheese and Onions!

(Parody of: Say Cheese and Die!)


Steve Reddings was one of the fattest walruses you had ever seen. Ever since he was 7, Steve had eaten nothing but junk food, and by age 10, he was as big as a house! Despite the efforts made by his family, healthy food was just not part of his system. All Steve would eat was potato chips, chocolate bars, fizzy drinks and fatty fried foods. His parents always told him that he would be in an early grave if he carried on, but Steve took no notice.

One morning, Steve was sat on a park bench, stuffing his face with a big bag of potato chips as he sat watching a pair of skinny squirrels playing badminton nearby. "Stupid skinnys," he thought to himself. "No meat on their bones," He stuffed a chubby hand into the packet, only to discover that it was empty. Throwing the packet into the bin, Steve waddled off, grumbling to himself.

On the way home, Steve came across a small little cornershop at the end of Knockdown Alley, a sleazy part of town where few ventured in willingly. The shop was called: R. Slime - Tuck Shop, and the window display was stuffed full of every kind of candy Steve could put a name to. As quick as he could, he ran inside the shop, where he saw even more of the delightful treats on display. His blue eyes stopped on a sly-looking fox behind the counter, who was wearing a well-pressed herringbone suit. Coupled with his cod's eyes and walrus moustache, he would've made somebody a handsome aquarium.

"Hello, little boy," the fox smiled, in a voice reminiscent of the late George Sanders. "Welcome to my little corner of paradise," Steve didn't say anything, for he was too hypnotised by the goodies on offer. Mr. Slime emerged from his counter, holding a packet of something in his paw.

"I think that you might like this particular brand, little boy," Mr. Slime grinned, and let Steve gaze at the packet. It was white all over, and simply said: Cheese and Onion Potato Chips on the front.

"How much, Mr. Slime, sir?" Steve babbled, his chubby fins scrambling for his wallet. With a dark smile, Mr. Slime told Steve the price, which Steve paid 5x as much for owing to his greed, and ran off home with his new friend, leaving Mr. Slime grinning evilly behind him.

When he got home, Steve sneaked the potato chips up to his room, and opened them. A salty, bittersweet smell filled his nostrils, and Steve picked out one of the chips. It was thin and bright-green in colour. Steve took a bite, and soon found himself falling to sleep.

It was morning the next day when Steve woke up, and as he went to brush his teeth, he discovered to his horror that his face was completely covered in warts! Steve stifled a scream, and tried desperately to cover them up with as much skin cream and sticking-plasters as he could, but they only made matters worse, and for the whole day at school, he kept his face hidden by a balaclava, saying that he had a slight chill that only just appeased his teachers.

That night, Steve tried the skin cream again, to no avail, and he began to panic. Whenever Steve panicked, he always ate as a sort of sedative, and he got out his secret packet of potato chips again, and ate another one. The effect was immense, for not only was he now calm, but he found himself drifting to sleep once again.

On the next day, Steve awoke to discover to his horror that, not only was his face wart-ridden, but now his teeth were rotten beyond belief! But how? Steve had always brushed his teeth every morning and night, so why should they suddenly go rotten? Steve brushed as hard as he could, but still the teeth remained as they were, and Steve was forced to skip school whilst his mother took him to the dentist, who was so baffled that the dentist was forced to call his own dentist!

Steve went to bed disgraced and upset, and was about to eat another potato chip, when it suddenly struck him. The potato chips were causing these changes! And what's more, they were now moving inside their bag! With as much strength as an overweight 10-year-old walrus can muster, Steve crushed the bag in his fins, turning the sapient potato chips into little green dust, and then tipping all of it down the garbage disposal.

After that, Steve was a different person. His rotting teeth and warts soon disappeared, and Steve was off junk food for good. Much to the delight of his parents, Steve Reddings began to eat nothing but healthy foods, and it was not long until Steve found himself losing his excess weight and becoming one of the skinny people he had previously hated so much.

But still, even with all of this, Steve never heard of Mr. Slime ever again. When he last went down Knockdown Alley, he saw that the old tuckshop had gone, and all that was left was a burnt-out shell, which people say was caused when an old tuckshop at the site burned down back in the '70s...


COMING SOON: Mooserumps Book 5 - The Farce of the Mummy's Tomb

[sonicheroes4ever]

Heh, this was good as well.

Hey Norris, what do you call a skinny walrus?


A seal.